Friend Envy

Yes, there is such a thing.

Anyone with very few friends experiences at various times in their lives

It hits you at times when you are most vulnerable ... it hits hard ... and it makes you wonder if you are really worth anything to anyone.

But it's a sin - the 10th Commandment - "You shall not covet ... anything that is your neighbour's" (Deuteronomy 5:21).

And so there is the problem.

I have 2 good friends - best friends; one I see fairly regularly and we have a set catch up time once a month, but she is a busy Mum and with all her family commitments there isn't the opportunity to just 'hang out' together. My other best friend is serving God on the mission field half way around the world (and is very bad at keeping in contact). With her, I used to be able to just hang out, chat, watch movies, do whatever or not do anything other than just enjoy being in each other's company. But with her move overseas, the distance has separated us, and I am left behind. Now she has recently got married and our times will never be the same again when she does return (if she returns).

I have always struggled with friendships.

Primary school years there is only one person I would say was a close friend, but we only saw each other at school. The rest of the time there were always friend groups that I was on the outside of - I didn't play netball, and didn't go to their church, so other than school there was nothing to build a friendship on.

Church life was hard too - the only other children, for the most part, were my brother and sisters; and we didn't always get along.

Between primary school and high school we moved, not just a short distance, but to the other side of the country. The people there all had their established friendship groups, as they had been together throughout primary school. Once again I went to a different church where there were no teens my age, or if there were they had other friends.

I changed schools again for my final 2 years of school and thought I had found a good group of friends. I had people to be with during recess and lunch and I was accepted in a group. No really close friendships though, as they were all non-Christians. But then came the final school event together and they suddenly showed their true colours - I was no longer welcome in the group and some very nasty things were said and spread around about me.

We did finally have some others at Church the right ages and I found one friend, but then I moved back to the other side of the country and she became better friends with my sister.

During my Uni days I managed to have 2 groups of friends - one at Church, the other at Christian Union (CU). There was one girl who I got close to - or so I thought. The trouble was I expected more of her than she could give and we both ended up badly hurting each other. The church friends had been together for a long time, so there was that trying to get into the group issue again.

I moved again and the contact I had with those friends has gradually dwindled. Most people keep in contact with friends from their past - they have life-long friendships that stand the test of time - as for me, it seems I only have friends for a season. Part of that could be my fault because I'm not good at keeping in contact - but friendship is also a two-way thing. Unless both people put into it the friendship cannot survive - this is something I've learned the hard way, as I put effort in to trying to have a friendship with people who do not reciprocate.

My experience over the last 10 years has been hard. The Church I attend has a lot of cliques. They say they welcome everyone - and to a point they do - but for the most part the ones of a similar age to me have been together for their whole lives, at both church and school. Because of this, they have their best friends and their friend group but don't include new people into that. This has been further complicated by all the weddings that have taken place - I am now the only woman around my age who is still single, and one of just a handful of single people over 30.

It's a lonely place to be.

And so here I am, longing for a friend, but also being too afraid of rejection to really try to get close to anyone any more. I'm tired of being the one to do the approaching; I need to be approached so that I know they really want to be my friend, not just me be theirs.

So, I guess I'm at war with myself. Pleading with God to let me have just one friend who is here; being reminded that when that person does come along not to make an idol of them; being scared of rejection; and in turn being frustrated that I haven't yet found another friend.

For 4 years I have been waiting for another friend; for 14 I have been waiting for a husband (but that's another story).

The hardest part is the war in my heart. In reality, God should be enough, with the friend and husband the icing on the cake. My head knows this, but my heart ...

Some Highlights of an Anticipated Day

Yesterday I had a chance to catch up with a friend from high school. For many of you this would not be a big thing because you see them all the time, and still live in the same place where you went to school. For me, however, it is a VERY BIG thing because I completed school in Western Australia 13 years ago and have lived in Victoria for the past 11 years.
So when my friend put on Facebook that she was coming to Victoria I jumped at the chance to catch up.
That day was yesterday and lunch was our catch-up time of choice.

 

We had lunch at Australia on Collins, where these umbrellas are hanging. They start 4 levels above the food court and it's such a fun thing to see. So many different colours.

It was too bad that I couldn't take one with me, because later I had to stand in the rain while waiting for a tram. Thankfully there was a kind lady standing next to me who shared her umbrella so that I didn't get soaked.

After lunch we headed to my favourite place for hot chocolate. A little out of the way chocolate place that sells real Belgian Hot Chocolate in a variety of flavours. I chose dark cinnamon! Next time I'm going back to milk cinnamon, so if you want me to share my spot with you, you'll have to join me on my next trip to the city.

I gave in ...

I said I would never do it, and now I have.

I joined the Facebook community!

Ok, so my reasons (er, excuses) are that I haven't been able to catch up with some of my friends any other way, so I'm trying this; and I've missed out on some events because I wasn't sent an invitation because only people on Facebook got them.

SIGH!!!

I've been on it less than 24 hours and I think I'm addicted.
Not good. I'm supposed to be WORKING!
Actually, I think I may just be addicted to the internet and what I can do while I'm on it.

Ikea Chair Study

A friend and I went to Ikea a couple of months ago.

As a dare, my sister told me to try out all the chairs I possibly could and get pictures of it.

So that's what this video is. I tried to put captions on, but my skills at movie making aren't that great yet (this is only my second attempt). At least I have some fade effects this time.

Oh, by the way, most of the chairs aren't as comfy as they look. My favorites are the EKTORP MUREN Recliner, the LUNNA Swivel easy chair, the PELLO Armchair and the POÄNG Armchair.

The one that was the most fun was the IKEA PS BRUM Children's Armchair. I didn't think I'd get up after sitting in this. The other people around us thought we were a little crazy, but still joined in the fun.

The strangest was a dining chair made of clear perspex (or something like that). Except for the legs, you couldn't even see the chair. I can't find this one on the Ikea site so I'm not sure of the name. It may not be stocked anymore.

Please God ...

Sisterchicks Go Brit!

I've been waiting for this book for so long! (It's too bad it takes so long for the bookstores to get it here - I'll have to wait at least another month.)

I love the Sisterchicks series.

Thank you, Robin, for writing it. If you're ever heading down-under to Melbourne please let me know. I'd love to meet you.

How sweet!

Friends/how true is this

Charles Schultz Philosophy

Charles Schultz Philosophy?

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners from best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Thnk of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

I was told to pass this on to those people who have made a difference in my life.

*THAT IS WHY I SENT IT TO YOU!

Among the great and glorious gifts
Our Heavenly Father sends
Is the gift of understanding
That we find in loving friends.


- Helen Steiner Rice

Life is a garden,
Good friends are the flowers
And times spent together,
Life's happiest hours.


-Helen Steiner Rice

If the seed of friendship
Is planted deep and true
And watched with understanding,
Friendship's flower will bloom for you.

-Helen Steiner Rice

More Funny Myspace Comments

Friends

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;

Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;

Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world

Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door

just waiting for you to open it.